"It's okay in the day I'm staying busy, tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he..."

I'm bored of this. I want to go back to school.

As boring as working at Verizon is, I’m still glad I’m doing it. Obviously the money is a plus but I’m glad I’ve gotten the experience (and it’s going to look amazing on my resume). I now know that this is not what I want to do. Corporate finance is definitely not for me. I need a job with more interaction with people instead of just spreadsheets and bullshitting around all day. And I need something more fast-paced and stressful. I need to feel like I’ve accomplished something tough. Something that will make me feel useful. I think I’ll work for a firm in the city next summer to see if that’s something that I want to do. I’ll find something eventually.

Everything has been so uneventful lately. I definitely have enough time to write in this thing but just haven’t had anything very worthwhile to post (as you can see from this post lol).

I saw Andreas a couple weekends ago. He had like 4 days leave so I hung out with him over the weekend. It was perfect timing because my parents were in North Carolina for the weekend so he slept over my place. It was nice to have him home, albeit emotionally exhausting. He’s back in Japan for some training thing, then goes to California for another training school and then he will be shipped out to Iraq in March. I’m kind of numb to it at the moment. Like, it’s so far off away that it doesn’t seem real. But I know that as the months pass the reality of the situation will come to me and I’ll freak out. I’ll probably end up finding some pseudo relationship to throw myself into before March so that I can avoid thinking about it as much as possible. C’est la vie I guess.

I really can’t wait to be back in Boston. I don’t care if I have to take classes—I’d much rather be doing that then working. I’m excited for the TA job during the school year. I think it’ll be a lot of fun and it’ll probably be a great experience (as well as looking amazing on my resume).

Well, 2 more months to go.
  • Current Music
    Wake Up Alone-- Amy Winehouse

"What else should I be? All apologies. What else should I say? Everyone is gay..."

I haven't really been able to sleep lately and that has been fucking with me. Part of it has to do with the fact that I have exams and what not. But it also has to do with the fact that I feel like Monday is the start of the rest of my life and I'm nervous. I go home on Sunday and I start my internship at Verizon on Monday. This is weird. I feel like everything I do right now will affect me for the rest of my life. I'm ok and have been ok with the idea that my grades will somehow affect my life but this feels different. This is new territory and I'm anxious.

I need to get some fucking sleep though because this is driving me nuts. I'm not tired when I wake up but I get tired during the day and want to take naps at weird hours of the afternoon (like now) when I need to be studying.

Part of me doesn't want to stop the whole school thing. I mean, I've spent the last 13 years of my life in school and then it's just going to end. I like school, as nerdy as it sounds. I like learning new things. I'll probably end up going to grad school a few times. I can't see myself not furthering my education.

I should be studying.
  • Current Music
    All Apologies- Nirvana

"All she wants is to dance, that's why you'll find her on the floor, but you don't have a chance"

It's 72 degrees outside. In Jersey. In the beginning of January. WHAT.THE.FUCK???

As much as I love being able to go outside in a t-shirt in the middle of the winter, I'm really worried about what is happening to the enviroment. Really really worried. I really hope that this shows people that Global Warming is a real thing.

I want to go back to school. Now. I miss everyone there so much. I miss being able to walk one flight up and see a lot of my friends (I still need to learn all the names of the girls on my floor lol). I don't even care about the fact that I'll have to do schoolwork. I'll take that over being stuck out in Jersey. I welcome the 10 hours a week of SMG alone over being stuck under my parents rules again. ARGH I need freedom again dammnit.

I miss going to parties and sports games and hanging out with Kodjo and the rest of the track team.

I'm going crazy out here and if I could I'd go back to Boston right now. I'm considering going up there Firday instead of Sunday now. I mean, a lot of my friends will be up there by then so we'll get a couple extra days to party.

I need a cigarrete. (FUCK. why did Jersey make it so that you have to be 19???? WHO DOES THAT? Now I have to go to the city just to get a pack since they don't card. Maybe if I see Jesse again today he'll buy me a pack. Hmmmm.)

I really wanna see Alpha Dog. It has 2 of my favorite people in it-- Bruce Willis and Justin Timberlake. YUM.
  • Current Music
    Lovestoned by Justin Timberlake

"...You treat me like I'm a princess, I'm not used to liking that, you ask how my day was..."

It's been a great weekend so far and I've still got one night to go.

I'm having a blast and I'm so happy about it. I've met some great people and time is flying by so quickly. I just want time to stop moving so fast. I don't want to blink and have years pass me by. I just want everything to slow down so that I can fully enjoy the best years of my life.

There's a new boy. I'm smitten and concerned. Andreas is coming to visit the weekend before Thanksgiving and driving me home that Tuesday before he goes to his grandparents house. I'm so worried about it. I'm excited at the same time but my concern is overshadowing my excitement at the moment. I want to see him so badly but I don't want anything bad to happen between us. I don't want to end things with him on a bad note before he goes to Japan. But I miss him so much. It's fucking imperative that I see him before he leaves-- things just have to go along perfectly. Another problem is I don't want things with the new boy to progress more and to cause issues with Andreas. It's complicated. I just want to continue having fun and I don't want to have to cry over Andreas anymore.

My dad came up on Thursday night because he had a conference on Friday. I didn't realize how much I missed him and I know that the feelings are mutual. It's funny how divided my family is. My brother is the same with my mother as I am with my father-- and both of us have problems getting along with the other family member. I just hope that I continue being like my dad and I don't end up like my mom. I never want to see myself like that.

This weekend has been amazing and I don't want it to end.
  • Current Music
    Head Over Feet- Alanis Morissette

"Best friends means I pulled the trigger, best friends means you get what you deserve..."

Phew, it's been so long since I last updated (doesn't it seem like I always start entries like that? lol). Well, college has been great so far. I love Boston and love all the people I've met and have been hanging out with so far. I wont get into my week because, quite frankly, it's boring-- just classes and late nights talking to people. So we'll start with the weekend:

Yesterday I woke up at 10 still fucked up and couldn't go back to sleep because the room was spinning. Obviously, Friday night was a good one. We went out to a keg party (and by "we" I mean "a bunch of people that I'm still not sure of all the names"). We got there and it was kinda like lame so we decided to just drink until the kg was gone and ditch it for another party in the area. I was hanging out with Tim and Dan and we had all been drinking pretty hard (I had 6 read cups in a little less than an hour lol) so we decided to just go back to the dorms and smoke up. DEAR FUCKING LORD I DIDN'T NEED ANYTHING ELSE IN MY SYSTEM. Whatever. We went back got the stuff and when we were finished we just kind of chilled by the river (which reminds me of Tarrytown when you're next to the Hudson). It was nice but I didn't know if we would have the motor skills to swipe in-- we were decently fucked up. Don't ask me how because it's still a mystery to me, but we eventually got some food and swiped into the dorms and were on our way back up to Tim and Dan's room (they're roomates) when I saw a few of my friends, Marshall and Sharon, and demanded that they come chill with us. From there on the night is kind of blurry. I remember scaring the shit out of some Asian guy who was trying to take a piss in a urinal when I walked in to pee (the bathrooms aren't coed but they do have stalls in them) and walking around floor 5 with a bunch of people just talking. Dan later walked me back to my room where I passed out and ended promptly woke up every hour to piss out the excessive amount of beer that I took in.

So, then yesterday I woke up and went and hung out with Sharon and her roomate Delia until everyone else woke up. There was this college fest thing going on so I went with Colin and a few other people with the intentions of seeing Damien Marley perform and to get free shit. Damien only performed for like 20 minutes which was a let down and we got a bunch of free shit so that was cool. One of the girls who lives on my floor called me to tell me that Taking Back Sunday was having a free concert in the like government square (or something like that, I forgot what it's proper name is). I nearly wet myself. Not only would I get to see Adam Lazzara, who makes me cream my pants on a regular basis, but I would also get to see him for FREE. Excellent. Colin and I went back to the dorm to put our shit away and so that I could let him listen to some TBS because he had never heard their music before. Later we went to the square to see the concert and it was fucking amazing. I can't even describe how much fun I had, I'm still a little hoarse from screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs.

We took the T back to the dorms and I was hanging out on 5c because I was being lazy and didn't feel like deciding which group to go out with. The most promising sounding party was one at Tufts but I didn't feel like taking my lazy ass all the way out there. In the end, I stayed in 5c with 2 other girls and we bought 2 pints of Ben and Jerry's and just ate lol. Eventually, people started coming back from the different parties and whatnot (which a lot were aparently wack so I'm glad I decided to be a fat ass instead lol) and we just all chilled in Mara's room until around 3.

And that was my weekend in a nutshell but now I must do the work that I have put off all weekend lol.
  • Current Music
    Taking Back Sunday marathon

"All of my life, where have you been, I wonder if I'll ever see you again..."

I'm definitely not going to be able to watch World Trade Center. Every time I see a commercial for the movie I get chills and a bit choked up. I have a hard time looking at the images from September 11th so I know I would never be able to sit in the theatre and watch the movie. It's good that the movie was made and everything but I think it's going to be one of those that I'll have to wait for it to come out on DVD and watch it in the privacy of my room so I can cry as hard as I want. I hate that-- crying in movie theaters. I hate leaving the theatre after I've cried and worry that my face is all red and streaky with mascara all over my face.

So I promised that I would write about the trip and I know it's much later but I got lazy so deal lol. So, we flew from JFK to Frankfurt, Germany and then caught the connecting flight to Barcelona. The Barcelona airport was more like a mall than an airport. It was crazy how many clothing stores there were in that airport. Anyway, we went to baggage claim and found that they lost one of our bags which was a major pain in the ass (we ended up getting it back the 4th day of our 7 day cruise *mutters* bastards). It was the bag with all our fancy clothes for the formal dinner and whatever. We were actually lucky though. One couple on our flight lost all of their bags. The cruise washed their clothes every night and gave them a couple free t-shirts and whatnot since they only had the clothes on their backs. Every single person on our flight lost at least 1 piece of luggage because of the plane change in Germany.

Anyway, the boat was beautiful and huge and the food was awesome. I ate until I felt like I would explode the first night and passed out. I thought that I would have major jet lag but I was pretty okay because I went to sleep at like 9 o'clock lol. The first port we stopped at was Marseille, France. In Marseille we did a bus tour. It was a really tiny city but the view was beautiful. The water was really clear and there were islands off the coast. There was this market that the bus dropped everyone off at for like an hour but the people were kind of rude. I now understand why the French have such a bad reputation lol.

We got back on the boat when the tour was done and just laid out in the sun for a few hours. There was this perfect spot on like the side deck where the wind blew really hard so it never got too hot when you laid there. It was awesome I could lay there and drink for days and be happy. From that day on we were laying in that spot after the tours every day.

The next port the ship stopped at was Civitecchia, Italy which is like a 45 minute drive away from Rome so all the tours were for Rome. There were tours that were like 10 hours long! There was no way that I would be out there for 10 hours nu uh. We did one that was 4.5 and that was definitely long enough for us. The bus took us to Vatican city and you got to walk around and take pictures and whatnot (not see the pope because that was only with the long tour since it was a 3 hour wait). Then you took a driving tour around Rome and we saw the Coliseum, the first Roman “mall,” the area where the private and public baths used to be, the park, and random historical marks along the way. Our tour guide was really good and told us all this interesting and random facts. Like one of the buildings near the Coliseum had this green awning on it and apparently it was Napoleon’s mother’s apartment. So that was cool. Rome was another port where people boarding and this was when the flock of Italians came on the ship. It was so funny because you would see these teeny tiny Italian women who you could tell were on a constant diet and their HUGE husbands. This was also the first night that I went out and met people and I met some pretty cool people. I became friends with a couple of the Italian guys and it was hilarious because they didn’t really speak English but kind of spoke Spanish. So a couple of the girls on the boat and I would try to speak broken Spanish and English to them. It always took forever to say anything to them.

The next port was Naples. Instead of doing a tour around Naples (we looked around the city by ourselves later) we took a tour of Pompeii. Pompeii was pretty cool at first but after a while it became tedious. It gets disgustingly hot over there and there is hardly any shade. After a while everything looks the same so if I ever went back (which I doubt, it’s something that you really only need to see once) I would only be there for an hour at most—not 2.5. But it was definitely a cool experience. Naples was cool too but I’m just not into Italian fashion that much. Plus it’s really expensive and I just didn’t think the clothes were worth the price. But that was the case everywhere we went and now I understand why when Europeans come to the States they buy clothes like crazy.

The next port was Malta. In Malta we visited the “Silent City” which was this really cool like medieval city that was completely made out of Lyme stone. The stone seemed to suck up like all the sound so even though there were tons of tour groups in the place you couldn’t hear them. It was pretty cool to see it because I’ve always been interested by the whole medieval period in history. The next day (Thursday) was a day at sea. So I just hung out with the people that I’d met on the boat and relaxed. We all needed the break from walking around everywhere.

Next we went to Mallorca which was a really cute island. In Mallorca we saw yet another church. The churches are really ornate and beautiful (well, sometimes gaudy) but it gets boring after a while. You can only see churches so many times. We also saw a bullfighting ring. It was kind of gross because there had been a fight recently and there was blood all over the sand. There were footprints (human) that led from inside the ring to the hospital that was nearby. Mallorca is famous for its pearls so of course my parents were all over the pearl shop that the tour stopped at. They bought so much jewelry on this trip it was crazy. This was the last day of the cruise for most so of course we all stayed up and hung out on the deck all night.

The cruise ended in Barcelona were we took yet another tour (most didn’t, they had their flights home but we did since we stayed a few extra days in Barcelona). The most interesting thing by far was this HUGE church. It’s called La Sagrada Familia Church and they have been building it for decades and expect to finish it in like 50 years. It was by far the coolest church because it wasn’t a typical church architecturally. Seriously, go look up that church it’s really effing cool. So we stayed in Barcelona for 3 days and just did the tourist thing and the shopping thing for a while. The only problem with Barcelona for me was that my allergies were killing me. It was the only place we visited that I had problems with my allergies though which was good.

Phew *wipes forehead* that was the trip. That was a ridiculously long entry and I applaud anyone who actually reads it all.
  • Current Music
    Again- Leny Kravitz

(no subject)

So, I'm back from Europe and I'm EXHAUSTED. I promise, there will be a huge update when I regain my strength lol.
  • Current Music

(no subject)

So, I decided that I definitely need to update because I've been dead lately! Well, it's understandable-- I mean, Friday through Wednesday Collapse ) so I spent all my time with him which was a great time :o). It's unbelievable how much I miss him now. It's hard to go from seeing him every single day and him staying at my house to only being able to talk to him on the phone after he's off-duty. Speaking of which, they've moved him to a base in Virginia. I don't know what it's called yet but its near Virginia Beach or something. He's been moved there to do one of the Recon schools that he needs to go through. I'm so happy for him and proud that he's made recon and everything, I just miss him so damn much.

I think it's worse since I've moved out here. Jersey has been ok so far, mostly because I've been spending a lot of time with my cousing, Nikki, and her new baby, Gabriella. Gabi is adorable. I love her to death. She is so spoiled though and it makes me jealous lol.

Hmmm. In other news I got Collapse ) today and I LOVE it. The stud right now is small (obviously) and once it heals I can change it and put whatever I want into it! I can't wait :o).

Another thing I can't wait for-- my vacation. I leave for Barcelona on Friday night and I get there on Saturday night and I can't effing wait. I really think the cruise is gonna be a great time and I can't wait to take my first trip to Europe! :o)

I hope all is well :o).
  • Current Music
    Plastic Surgery Obsessions on VH1